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"Spreading yourself too thin"
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| najin | Date: Thursday, 2009-01-29, 1:34 PM | Message # 1 |
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|  I'll admit that I'm one of those people with a staggering number of "friendly acquaintances". I'm loaded with all the right questions and am programmed with all the right reactions to make someone new feel comfortable. In retrospect, I realise that I've had something of an addiction for meeting new people. It was always enticing to meet a stranger because it's like meeting a blank canvas. Hearing someone share his/her life with you for the first time is watching the unique portrait of this person's life and perspective unfold in front of you. Everyone you meet is an intricate patchwork of their experiences and I've always been intrigued by that. While living like this has broadened my scope of perspectives and cultures, this life has led me to lack a core, constant group of friends. Now I understand why I so readily dove into serious relationships with past boyfriends: it's because I had nothing else to persist towards (for simplicity, let's leave family out of this rant). While I would curiously (and slightly jealously, let's be honest) onlook the tight-knit groups I saw stand the tests of time, I would delve into the arms of my boyfriend. What happened when I needed the occasional break from this unnaturally suffocating relationship? Easy: I'd revamp what came easy to me and meet more people. Like magic. It's funny, upon further inspection. It didn't matter who I met, or what walk of life they'd come from. I'd give them all the time of day, plus a little sachet of (sometimes contrived, however) enthusiasm. Friends of friends, the food caterers that I saw at UBC daily, angsty teens, hobos, old folks, people at bus stops, the guy who opened up my first bank account in Australia. I finally realise that it was a positive feedback cycle, this people-meeting business. Not "positive" in a healthy or optimistic way, but positive in the sense that it cumulatively fed off itself. The more people I met, the more others around me felt like I had no quality time to spare for them.
So for years, that is what's been going on with me...I felt crappy about my lack of solid friends and I filled that void by meeting more people. Pretty ironic, since I was repelling those that I established initial connections with, right? It was an overall destructive situation: I progressively felt lonely in that sea of people, and none of those people intended to extend more of their time to me--why would they? I was clearly busy. While this could've easily turned me into a self-pitying shmuck, I know that I don't deserve any pity. Where was my effort to construct solid and lasting friendships anyway? All this time, I never realised how wasteful your time feels when you spend it with someone who has a thousand other engagements to attend to. You feel like a meaningless appointment in a grand bustle. So...what now?
I'll still be friendly towards a fresh face, but I will not seek them out.
I'll be perceptive to new ideas, but I want to spend quality time with existing friends that have ideas and values that I wholly identify with.
I'm going to spend time with the people who will, in turn, identify and embrace my deeper ideas and nuances too. Time to finally get to know you.
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| rombusempire | Date: Thursday, 2009-01-29, 4:49 PM | Message # 2 |
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| "I'll still be friendly towards a fresh face, but I will not seek them out.
I'll be perceptive to new ideas, but I want to spend quality time with existing friends that have ideas and values that I wholly identify with.
I'm going to spend time with the people who will, in turn, identify and embrace my deeper ideas and nuances too. " Bravo. As I mentioned before, deeper relationships with fewer people is healthier than a bunch of shallow relationships. I know exactly how it is to feel that I am surrounded by people yet I feel very lonely.
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| najin | Date: Friday, 2009-01-30, 1:21 AM | Message # 3 |
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| =) well, I'm glad to have people around me who can understand it too.
I don't think EVERY one goes through this realization though; when/how did you know this to be true?
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| rombusempire | Date: Saturday, 2009-01-31, 3:32 AM | Message # 4 |
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| I had a phase in my life where I partied almost insanely; oging out everyday after work and clubbing twice a week throughout 2005. This was because I had the resources to do so. Almost needless to say, I needed more party friends who could keep this up. Since they were hastily met, I didnt really know them. There were many times where I was surrounded by 15-20 ppl at once and feeling like I was the only person in the world. SLowly, over time, I dropped people like flies, until the only people left around me are those I really care to keep. In a way, it's arrogant and intolerant...a minor infraction from a person I dont really like or know well can result in complete avoidance. However, I think this adds to my character, since I have more time for the peopel I do care about. As well, the people I still do talk to know that I tlak to them becausse I truly like them. Added (2009-01-31, 3:30 Am)
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I had a phase in my life where I partied almost insanely; oging out everyday after work and clubbing twice a week throughout 2005. This was because I had the resources to do so. Almost needless to say, I needed more party friends who could keep this up. Since they were hastily met, I didnt really know them. There were many times where I was surrounded by 15-20 ppl at once and feeling like I was the only person in the world. SLowly, over time, I dropped people like flies, until the only people left around me are those I really care to keep. In a way, it's arrogant and intolerant...a minor infraction from a person I dont really like or know well can result in complete avoidance. However, I think this adds to my character, since I have more time for the peopel I do care about. As well, the people I still do talk to know that I tlak to them becausse I truly like them. Added (2009-01-31, 3:31 Am)
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I had a phase in my life where I partied almost insanely; oging out everyday after work and clubbing twice a week throughout 2005. This was because I had the resources to do so. Almost needless to say, I needed more party friends who could keep this up. Since they were hastily met, I didnt really know them. There were many times where I was surrounded by 15-20 ppl at once and feeling like I was the only person in the world. SLowly, over time, I dropped people like flies, until the only people left around me are those I really care to keep. In a way, it's arrogant and intolerant...a minor infraction from a person I dont really like or know well can result in complete avoidance. However, I think this adds to my character, since I have more time for the peopel I do care about. As well, the people I still do talk to know that I tlak to them becausse I truly like them. Added (2009-01-31, 3:32 Am)
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I had a phase in my life where I partied almost insanely; oging out everyday after work and clubbing twice a week throughout 2005. This was because I had the resources to do so. Almost needless to say, I needed more party friends who could keep this up. Since they were hastily met, I didnt really know them. There were many times where I was surrounded by 15-20 ppl at once and feeling like I was the only person in the world. SLowly, over time, I dropped people like flies, until the only people left around me are those I really care to keep. In a way, it's arrogant and intolerant...a minor infraction from a person I dont really like or know well can result in complete avoidance. However, I think this adds to my character, since I have more time for the peopel I do care about. As well, the people I still do talk to know that I tlak to them becausse I truly like them.
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| najin | Date: Monday, 2009-02-02, 4:03 AM | Message # 5 |
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| Quote (rombusempire) In a way, it's arrogant and intolerant...a minor infraction from a person I dont really like or know well can result in complete avoidance. If you think about it, you were actually doing a service to the people that you 'dropped like flies'. You prevented them from having another shallow friendship. Plus, you had more time to spend with those that you truly care about, which is certainly not an arrogant thing. Anyway, good thing I'm speaking to you about this before my case gets too extreme. I think my situation is more of a chronic thing, which might potentially be harder to break free from, actually. : (
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| Guest | Date: Monday, 2009-02-02, 11:41 AM | Message # 6 |
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| Quote (najin) I'll admit that I'm one of those people with a staggering number of "friendly acquaintances".... To be fair to yourself, you might want to consider how many of your friendly acquaintances also consider you a "friendly acquaintance", but also have no desire to be bolder in those relationships. It takes two. P.S. uCoz has a damn good msgboard engine.
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| najin | Date: Thursday, 2009-02-05, 0:20 AM | Message # 7 |
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| Quote (Guest) To be fair to yourself, you might want to consider how many of your friendly acquaintances also consider you a "friendly acquaintance", but also have no desire to be bolder in those relationships. It takes two. Good point.
It would be creepy of me to try and establish close friendships with people that aren't looking for the same thing.
However, people's intentions become pretty apparent, especially once you try and discuss a topic like this. There's people that "agree" (nod, then change the subject or don't elaborate with you; ie. NOT interested), and people that agree.
Hopefully I know the difference. : )
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| najin | Date: Thursday, 2009-02-05, 0:22 AM | Message # 8 |
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| Quote (najin) P.S. uCoz has a damn good msgboard engine. how can you tell, btw?
I thought this server was amazing, since it structures forums and all these ready-made modules for users. I guess I lucked out at picking one that has a good "engine".
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| closer | Date: Thursday, 2009-02-05, 8:38 AM | Message # 9 |
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| What you are ranting about is a very common trait of Aquarius people. Good luck with it and remember it really is ok! IF you are looking to "change" it really is about mutual effort. I give people the full benefit of the doubt and will try to (re)establish communications. When they dont, oh well... I meet new people daily, it really is nice and exactly how you describe it. What I do try is to keep talking to them. Since it is the "model" that works for me and natural selection really does work. You'll be surprised at the amount of people that "drop" from my life. Really, its not my fault or theirs. It is what it is. 
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| takezomiyamoto | Date: Thursday, 2009-02-05, 10:38 AM | Message # 10 |
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| i think no matter how many friends you have or don't have, one can never shake that lonely and empty feeling. i could never outrun it and i don't think i ever will, its just something i accept with a passing glance. since i have always been the nice accommodating pleaser, i have made a lot of friends no matter the situation; some have come, some have remained, and some, the ones who put in the mutual effort into becoming the true sense of a good friend, have done so. i think it comes down to the effort they put in. hopefully you'll find the ones who mirror you,the ones who challenge you, and the ones who are right for you no matter the circumstance you find yourself in on a daily basis. i wish you luck pookster:) heres to finding those soul mate friendships. *raises sundae glass*
*clinks pookie patot's sundae glass*
ready...set....EAT!... 
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| najin | Date: Friday, 2009-02-06, 0:17 AM | Message # 11 |
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| Quote (closer) What you are ranting about is a very common trait of Aquarius people.
lol, do Aquarians tend to rant about spending quality time with people? What in the...it's just strange to think that 1/12th of the population might be having similar thoughts. Quote (closer) Since it is the "model" that works for me and natural selection really does work. You'll be surprised at the amount of people that "drop" from my life. Really, its not my fault or theirs. It is what it is.
I may have to adopt your '"model". : )
Heck, I may have already been integrating it into my life without realizing that this is what normal, considerate people having been doing for years! I'm behind the social times. 
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| najin | Date: Friday, 2009-02-06, 0:22 AM | Message # 12 |
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| Quote (takezomiyamoto) heres to finding those soul mate friendships. *raises sundae glass*
*clinks pookie patot's sundae glass*
ready...set....EAT!... hear, hear!
well stated, cones.
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -Pablo Picasso
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| closer | Date: Friday, 2009-02-06, 3:35 AM | Message # 13 |
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| Quote (takezomiyamoto) the ones who put in the mutual effort into becoming the true sense of a good friend, have done so. i think it comes down to the effort they put in. Absolutely! One important lesson that I treasure, is that love (in all relationships) is about giving and RECEIVING. Not the giving and TAKING. Because taking is more of a selfish act and receiving is selfless. When you give and give and be open in receiving their "giveness" it makes for a fantastic relationship because its mutual and ure already doing the same thing! So I make the effort, because ultimately the decision is mine anyways. Added (2009-02-06, 3:35 Am)
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Quote (najin) lol, do Aquarians tend to rant about spending quality time with people? What in the...it's just strange to think that 1/12th of the population might be having similar thoughts. Its not the quality of friends, its the quantity of friends in the beginning, later its going to be the career...and watch out folks!
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| rombusempire | Date: Monday, 2009-02-09, 8:34 AM | Message # 14 |
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| This kinda relates to attracting like minded people. I dont have teh personality required to make friends with everyone because Im rather picky and if I dont like something, people will know. In the end, im left with people that like me for who I really am, the rest have eitehr abandoned me because they dont liek the way I am or I have abdoned them because I cant stand them. But in contrast, I still do spread a bit thin. I dont have 1 core group that I spend time with, it is always many ppl, all scattered. In this way I attract like minded people, but different aspects of me. I have friends for differnt activities and interest, and they dont seem to be able to mesh together. Everytime I want to celebrate somethign I have to go out many times. Added (2009-02-09, 8:33 Am)
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Quote (najin) If you think about it, you were actually doing a service to the people that you 'dropped like flies'. You prevented them from having another shallow friendship. Plus, you had more time to spend with those that you truly care about, which is certainly not an arrogant thing.
Anyway, good thing I'm speaking to you about this before my case gets too extreme. I think my situation is more of a chronic thing, which might potentially be harder to break free from, actually. : ( Hey but you know what though, altnhough you can work at this (if you want, and Im certainly not saying that 'my way is the best way'), it is personality based too. Some people are 'rounder' than others. Round as in able to adapt to diff sitautions and harmonizing with many people. That is why its harder for you to change beucas eit may not necesarily be 'who you are'. But if you want to change, (all glory to you), all you have to do is devote more of your time to the relationships you find worthy, whether it is friends, God/Jesus, or yourself. So ,much time in fact that you dont HAVE time for shallow relationships. It doesnt even matter if you talk to an imaginary friend! If you are close enough to that imagination to spill out all your problems, and feel relieved by doing so, that is more healthy (in terms of easing depression and putting you in a better mood) than spending the same amobnt of time with someone who can only say: 'I got gucci, I rich, I badass, you like..DUHHH?' -- sorry I HAD to jab at him... Added (2009-02-09, 8:34 Am)
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And thats what we call 'Flamebait'LOL...the entire person...
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| likepfp | Date: Monday, 2013-01-14, 3:54 PM | Message # 15 |
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